Understand this symptom
Libido
Thibaut Santermans
Insight
The essentials
This symptom is caused by the hormonal shifts your body is going through. Understanding what's happening helps you better cope with what you're feeling.
The (possible) cause
Libido is rarely a single switch. It's influenced by hormonal fluctuations, sleep, stress, relationship context, medication, self-image, and physical comfort. Physical complaints like vaginal dryness, irritation, or pain during sex can quickly dampen desire. At the same time, libido can also increase: more freedom (no pregnancy stress), greater self-knowledge, less performance pressure, or a different dynamic in your relationship can actually fuel desire.
What (often) helps
Start by asking yourself: what's your biggest obstacle (body, mind, relationship, circumstances)? Many women experience improvement when they first address physical obstacles (dryness/pain) and simultaneously build more recovery (sleep, rest, less stress). If your libido is just starting to increase, it can be helpful to rediscover what you enjoy and establish clear boundaries and a pace. If the change (high or low) is confusing or causing you stress, talking to a healthcare provider can provide much-needed clarity.
Libido during menopause: it can go either way
Many people immediately think of menopause as a "decreased desire for sex." That's possible. But the opposite also exists: more desire to have sex, An high libido, or a greater need for intimacy. Both are normal.
Why libido can decrease
- Lack of sleep and stress: your mind is “on”.
- Physical discomfort: dryness, irritation or pain during sex.
- Self-image: you feel less like yourself.
- Relationship context: less connection, timing, communication.
Why libido can increase
- Less fear of pregnancy or “having to”.
- More self-knowledge: you know better what you like.
- More space: children older, more time, less rush.
- Different dynamics in your relationship (or rediscovering intimacy).
What helps most often?
1) Comfort first
If dryness or pain is a factor, start there. Comfort makes desire easier.
2) Nervous system on 'alarm'
Sleep, rest and less evening stress help your body become more receptive.
3) Conversation without guilt
With your partner: what do you miss, what do you want, what feels okay?
With a healthcare provider: if you get stuck or have doubts.
